Dec. 3, 2013. A flock of birds fly near Mount Sinabung as seen from Berastepu, North Sumatra, Indonesia.
It’s officially been a year since I quit drinking.
I was going to write a big post about all the wonderful things that have happened since then, but I don’t really feel like it right now.
I will say this though, it was HARD. The first few months were brutal, and December was the worst. I felt awful, life felt horrible and I wasn’t sure if I could do it. But I did it. On my own. Without meetings or sponsors or slip-ups.
365 days without alcohol. Pretty remarkable considering I normally drank about 362 days out of the year.
It feels good. And honestly, I don’t see the point of ever going back. I could say that maybe in the future I could drink in moderation, but I have no desire to drink. Who knows, maybe I’ll toast at my wedding with a glass of champagne, but I’d be fine without it too.
Alcohol no longer serves a purpose in my life and I couldn’t be happier.
Since I released alcohol from my life, a huge weight and burden has been lifted and I am freer than ever before.
It is amazing and I cannot wait to continue on this journey.
Either be summer or warm enough for everyday biking or just fucking snow already.
Let’s get this show on the road already!
Do you know what I really look forward to when it comes to having children?
Dance recitals, music concerts and plays.
My child(ren) will probably not play sports, but will be heavily encouraged to participate in the arts and I would have no problem with them being consumed by it. Football or soccer on the other hand, would not be ideal.
But that’s me projecting my own desires and of course I would support whatever my child(ren) would want to do. But I’d really hope that they’d want to learn to play an instrument, act or dance. No matter what they did, I know I would always be proud.
I went to a piano concert today at MATC that was comprised mostly of young children and their piano teachers. The kids were just too adorable and the parents were just as cute, scrambling to get good video and photo, and just beaming with happiness every time their child took the stage.
I can’t wait to feel my heart swell with pride at seeing my child(ren) excel and be good at something. That feeling of utter happiness, that elation that makes you realize, that THIS is what it’s all about. THIS is why we have children, to be proud of them, to encourage them and to watch them grow.
In that moment of realizing that this is something I greatly look forward to, I’m pretty sure I heard my biological clock start to tick.
Oh gosh I was so whiny earlier. I feel much better now. A snap down at 80s vs 90s with a friend showing up randomly makes the soul feel good.
The excitement for my birthday is fading fast. Another year of going out to celebrate alone, this time without alcohol to numb the loneliness. I’m glad to party sober, but not glad to party solo. I’m still excited about turning 30, but now I just wish I hadn’t hyped everything up so much for myself. Oh well.
Nothing to be worried about.
It will pass.
PLEASE LET IT PASS.
All of the things swirling in my brain as I wait on pins and needles for results.
Hoping for the best. Fearing the worst.
Sometimes I like a good healthy dose of motivational and inspirational Christian pop music.
Right now this is doing it for me.
I need a kick in the ass. And I got something coming up I’m a little nervous about that involves my health and I can always appreciate a good reminder, that no matter what, everything will work out.